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Benedetto: What Leaders Taught Me About Building Relationships

Paul Benedetto explains why relationships, in 2016 and every other year, are the main ingredient for success.

One of my favorite topics is an old standby — relationships. So here is the truth, right out of the gate: You will never be as successful as you can be without great, long-lasting relationships. The most successful people I know have the best relationships. For me, it has always been that simple; yet it’s the one factor that eludes 90 percent of state IT staff.

I was very fortunate to work with and work for great people, and I also had great people work for me. Along the way, I learned lessons about building relationships by watching, listening and seeing them in action.

The one thing great leaders I worked for had in common was their ability to create great relationships, both personally and professionally. They were the most successful people in government because they could move the ball, get things done and accomplish tasks seemingly nobody could. When you worked with them, the outcome felt like a win-win.

Here are some reflections about what I saw from those leaders, how they built valuable relationships and what seemed to them to be most important.

Relationships: The Tenets of Leadership

Great leadership is built on great relationships, and leadership is a relationship-intensive endeavor. If your people skills aren’t strong, neither will be your leadership.

Reflect on who is a building block of your “relationship pyramid.” Have you established one and, if so, what does it look like? Who is in it? What are the most important aspects of the relationship pyramid you have built? Do you consider your relationships to be successful?

Everybody needs somebody. Contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as a self-made man or woman. Everybody needs friendship, encouragement and help. When people decide to work together, they generally can achieve far more than they could alone and will usually also find greater joy.

Why are Relationships Important to Success?

I believe relationships are the most important factor for success, and they can help build loyalty within an organization.

Relationships can help you make decisions, get things done and find the talented resources we all covet. Think of it like this: It’s been said that “you are only as strong as the team you have built.” But let me add, “and as strong as the relationships you have made.”

What Works

1) Be Authentic. This is pretty simple. Be who you are and accept others as they are. It’s easy to create a false persona, especially in our line of business. But that isn’t the best way to start a relationship and it’s short-lived. Find people and companies you feel a natural connection and ease of communication with, and things you both have in common. The authenticity of connecting personality, beliefs and point of view can accelerate relationships.

2) Show Respect. This is really the starting point of a good relationship. We should show respect to the people we meet before they have necessarily earned it, but that we should expect to earn it for ourselves.

3) Build Trust. This is most important. To build solid, airtight relationships there must be trust. Without trust there is no relationship. Make sure, when given the opportunity, to be discreet when you’re asked to be, help someone’s career when you can, and just be there in good times and bad.

4) Stay in Touch. This also is simple. Show people you care by being there, reaching out, taking the time out of your calendar. Go to coffee (my favorite), have lunch, go to dinner, have drinks — but make time, no matter what you choose to do. Also, make sure you celebrate achievements; let your relationships know you care. Don’t pester people, but do check in. I prefer brief, personal communications rather than longer, impersonal updates.

5) Strive for Win-Win. I always try to build relationships with everyone, from my IT peers to my partners in California state government at the Department of Finance, Department of General Services or the Legislative Analyst’s Office. It’s crucial that you begin to understand what each organization’s needs are and how to create win-wins from each circumstance. Don’t hesitate to create relationships with the vendor community — an IT professional needs them.

6) Mutual Enjoyment. As relationships develop, people will, in due time, enjoy each other’s company. This helps to build positive experiences, even out of unpleasant situations.

7) Just Do It. This is critical for those who want to be relevant in an organization or bring value. Many of the most critical decisions I made were based on the fact I had relationships with people, that I was able to trust them and had faith because of the relationship we cultivated. I believed in what they are doing.

California’s IT community is going through a huge change, and many of us have retired and turned the baton over to youngsters. One of the biggest complaints I hear is that this up-and-coming generation doesn’t know how important working and playing together is. So I urge you to build those relationships: When you attend a work-related conference, go out of your way to sit with people you don’t know, talk with them and develop those relationships. Reach out to those who have similar titles, similar jobs and similar occupations. Reach out to people you want to learn from and those you admire, and never turn down an opportunity to network. Build relationships at every level, with everyone. All relationships are important.

Building relationships takes time, and different levels of your network will be built on trust, loyalty, timing — even where you are at in your career. Just like a tree, there should be multiple levels, multiple rings and circles. Without relationships at all levels, you won’t be as successful as you deserve to be.

Finally, work with each other. Help each other be successful. Don’t be jealous of others’ successes. Technology jobs are hard, and the higher you go up the food chain the harder they become. Look around. Make sure you stay in touch. Some of you will go on to become deputy directors, chief deputies, directors and maybe even higher positions. And the last thing: Have fun and enjoy the ride.

Paul Benedetto is the former undersecretary of the California Technology Agency.